Mark Waltz | ...Because People Matter

30 Days of Sex | Props to Some Peeps

Yesterday I put up several videos and comments - all of which deserve some acknowledgment for their talent and creativity to communicate so effectively.

• First of all, thanks to lifechurch.tv for the inspiration and original work on the interview with Satan video. You can watch their original piece here. You guys keep it real!
• Jeff Myers played the devil in a compelling way. Scary, in fact. Clarify: Jeff is not my enemy. Satan is.
• Kristin Baker edited and directed the video.
• Ben Sanders shot, edited and produced it.

I love team! It's really the only way to do life!

30 Days of Sex | Love & Lust

If you experienced this past weekend, and you're married, you might have thought the service wasn't for you. After all the topic was lust. That's for all the single people or, I suppose, married people who are flirting with an affair. It might have been easy to check out (except for that stunning interview with Satan...watch it here).

Hold up. Let's consider this: Is it okay to lust for your spouse?

I admit it, I've told my wife that I'm filled with lust for her. What I'm saying is, "I think you're hot. You're making me hot. Let's get hot together  I 'lust' you. (blush... this is getting way personal.)" I don't intend to be one-dimensional. I intend it in the context of celebrating our multi-dimensional relationship. But, in the heated moment, it's pretty focused. It's about sex. Pure and simple.

Is that okay?

Absolutely (especially when she says, "yes"). I want her to know that I treasure her...and her "Wonderland" body (thanks, John Mayer... I think he borrowed the eroticism from Solomon). I want her to know that after 27 years of marriage I still find her attractive and sexy. God designed sex between a married man and woman to be filled with pleasure. Highly erotic. Charged with sensual energy. Intimately romantic.

BUT. (one T)

But, if all I do is really lust for my wife, if all she hears from me is "I lust for you", then I'm only singing Cheap Trick: "I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'm beggin' you to beg me." It's one-dimensional. "I want one thing from you - keep me happy sexually." That's lust - and even within marriage it's way short of God's ideal of Love.

This weekend Rob Wegner clearly defined Love that is God-honoring, other-treasuring (watch an excerpt here).

• Love is relational - interested in the family, friendships and human interactions of the other.
• Love is intellectual - interested in how the other thinks, reasons, and processes.
• Love is emotional - concerned with how the other feels.
• Love is spiritual - interested in who God made the other to be and their relationship with him.
• Love is physical - enjoyed by sexual chemistry and desire.

Men, you love your wife with that kind of love and "lust" will be a playful, mutual expression of appropriate physical desire. Women, you love your husband with that kind of love and desire, and his tendency to "lust" after other women will be minimized. But note the distinction between a playful "lust" in marriage and a selfish expression of lust.

Play the video above again. By definition lust is reductionary. It always wants more, never satisfied with the present pleasure and connection. It is self-absorbed. Lust will hurt - even destroy - your marriage. Love will ignite the spark and cause your marriage to burn hot.

• Read the 30-Day Sex Challenge ... and Sex God. Then talk about it. Not just the sex. But where your ideas of sex come from. What hurts, fears and misgivings you have about sex - from past or present.
• Read the Song of Solomon together (read it in the Message)... in bed.
• If you've given up on 30 days of sex, then plan an overnight. Send the kids to Grandmas and stay home if you can't get a hotel. But, think honeymoon. Plan. Be creative. Give yourselves  to each other again: fully - relationally, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Which will it be in your marriage? Love or Lust.

I choose Love.

30 Days of Sex | An Interview with Satan

I had the unusual and unexpected opportunity recently to interview Satan about... yes, sex. Any surprises?

From weekend service, Granger Community Church, March 21/22, 2009. Watch the entire service here.

30 Days of Sex | Rob Wegner on Lust

Here's a clarifying clip about the contrast of lust from Rob Wegner's message: Just Lust from this past weekend. This is great teaching. Jump here to read more about: "Lust in Marriage"

If you want more from Rob, watch the entire message here (click the "watch" icon for "Just Lust").

Ashton Kutcher, Jesus Christ, & Love

I'm sure I don't have the full story. It's tough to capture someone's full journey from Twitter, although it can be quite revealing. Jeff Bell turned me onto Ashton Kutcher's Twitter today. He'd begun following his Tweets, intrigued by Ashton's frequent comments of his reading of The Shack.

To me, there's something about Kutcher that's free-spirited, fun and... well, just entertaining, so I hopped online to check out Ashton's thoughts. I stopped when I read this:

"I've had over 200 reply's about God Jesus etc. and the one word not mentioned is the only essential word LOVE."

It made me sad, then mad. Apparently, Jeff and I weren't the only God-believing Twitter stalkers to check out Kutcher's reading notes. And apparently, there are still a bunch of Christians who still miss the point.

Jesus summarized the whole Law, the whole story, the whole kingdom with these words:

"Love the Lord your God... and your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22.37-38)

Ashton, I'm sorry we missed the point while trying to make a point. Again.

30 Day Sex Challenge | Is Sex the Point?

I know, I know. It seems like a crazy question to ask a week into this month-long sex challenge: Is sex even the point? It is, obviously. But maybe not.

• What's the point of a football player spending hours in the weight room? To bench record weights? To sweat a lot? No, the point is to play ball better on the field.
• What's the point of studying for an exam or doing daily homework in school? Merely the grade? No, the point is to be equipped for life experiences, including the workforce.
• What's the point of spiritual practices? To know more about the Bible? To be an expert "pray-er"? Hardly. The point is to live a transformed life after the Way of God and his agenda.

Maybe sex isn't the point. If you thought it was and it's created tension in your marriage and bedroom. Call a timeout.

The point is not to merely get to the end of a month and be able to say, "We did it for 30 days!" The point is not to set new records in skill, frequency or creativity (although there's nothing wrong with that, I'm sure). The point is to journey toward intimacy. And intimacy isn't just about the physical act of sex.

Intimacy is about connection.It's about listening. It calls for selfless denial. It involves changing your agenda, your priority, your behavior. Intimacy may culminate in the bedroom, but it doesn't start there. Intimacy starts in the heart. It's a mindful, willful decision. It shows up in phone calls, non-sexual touch (that might mean you don't expect anything after giving the back rub, guys), doing the dishes, and parenting the kids. Intimacy, romance... foreplay. It starts way before the bedroom.

Is sex the point?

Kinda. It will be a helpful practice.

Here's what my wife and I have discovered over the past week:

• We've had more intentional conversations about our shared life, goals, and sex.
• We've been more careful to speak positively into each other.
• We've flirted more.
• We've listened better.
• We've ... (you don't need to know everything).

So, ask yourself: Do I want to love my spouse better at the end of this 30-day journey? Or do I just want to look back on a month of great sex?

Answering that question could be a challenge.

Some of you would do well to start over with a 30-day Romance Challenge. Yeah, romance.

By the way, there's a good chance you'll still have sex this month.

(Missed getting the book from our bookstore? You can order it here from the authors, Paul and Susie Wirth.)

(Curious about where you can get your own bedroom door hanger and other tools for the journey? Check 'em all out here.)

Get Your Head Out of the Sand!

At Granger Community Church we're committed to meeting people where they are. We've discovered that most people who are unchurched aren't too concerned with Levitical law, Jewish ceremonial cleansing rites, or how to parse a Greek verb. Most people are trying to navigate challenges related to parenting, a flailing sense of self worth, how to make a living, and even personal sexuality. So, that's where we want to meet them. Right where they are.

We just finished up week two in our weekend series, Sex for Sale. The Bible has a lot to say about sex. God created it. So, we're not afraid to talk about it.

But it seems some people are very afraid for us - the church - to talk about it. Ironic, I think.

I'm speaking specifically about churched people who consider themselves to be Christians. I don't understand them. I want to. But I don't. I don't want to be unkind. But this might sound a bit frank.

Get your head out of the doggone sand!

I've heard parents in our office, at our guest services desk, and on the phone - angry, rude, unkind, scathing - sharing a piece of their mind because their sixth or seventh grader will be expected to sit through the service (Our age appropriate ministry that runs concurrently to the adult service only goes through fifth grade.) Are you kidding me?

I'm shocked that any parent would choose to not talk with their child about sexuality before middle school. In fact, with no suggestion of the "right" age, conservative Christian parenting expert, James Dobson's Focus on the Family website calls parents to "get started now" with the sex talks. Parents who have decided not to talk with their children, especially delaying past third or forth grade, have merely decided to bury their head in the sand while their child's peers and the media "educate" them on sex. Such education is certain to be distorted at best, perverted at worst.

I wonder:

• Does this topic open too many wounds, scratch too close to personal distortions connected to parents' own sense of worth? Is it just too difficult to face the truth inside their own life?
• Does the discussion of sex in church present a risk of guilt and shame, because parents feel unable to speak with any sense of moral authority to their own kids? (God offers forgiveness. You can start again.)
• Do some Christians think "spiritual life" is about believing the right stuff, having a great "worship" experience, with little to no integration to real life - like relationships, sexuality, finances, or attitude?
• Do some parents not want the church to "force" the conversation they're not willing to have with their kids?

I just wonder...

By the way - when your head is in the sand, it's dry and suffocating. And when you spew on others who refuse to bury their head, all they can see is... well, your back side.

Hillsong London @ Granger Community

Jason Miller, my friend and fellow pastor at Granger Community Church, just announced that our church will be one stop of 10 cities for Hillsong London. Their coming next month!

For all the details - read Jason's post here.

(I know - some of you hate following the link off this site, but you should be reading Jason's blog anyway. Enjoy!)

Meditation & the Cross

Last evening was the first of three Journey Bible Classes I'm leading, Spiritual Disciplines: Meditation on the Cross. Thomas Merton notes: "True contemplation is not a psychological trick but a theological grace." The practice of meditation from a Christian world view centers on Jesus. It's not merely a pathway to relieving stress or sorting through anxiety (although the scriptures attest to the beyond-understanding peace that comes through Jesus).

As any spiritual discipline, the goal of practicing meditation is not to become "good" at meditating. As Richard Foster puts it, "What happens in meditation is that we create the emotional and spiritual space which allows Christ to construct an inner sanctuary in the heart."

The goal is spiritual transformation. The goal is a paradigm shift that impacts our living, behaviors, thoughts and attitudes. It's intended to help us shift from our myopic focus on the stuff in our lives that so easily distorts and distracts and defines us to a focus on Jesus' kingdom agenda where we experience intrinsic worth and value; where we shift from self absorption to selflessness.

In the class we considered prayers from the passion of Christ, that can be used as centering prayers as we meditate on Jesus, allowing him to meet with us personally. For those who have not begun a regular reading of the passion week of Christ's betrayal, trial, crucifixion, and burial, here is a schedule of reading that will allow you focused meditation on the cross for these few weeks leading up to Easter.

• Thurs, March 12: Matthew 21.1-11
• Fri, March 13: Mark 11.12-14
• Sat, March 14: Mark 11.15-18
• Sun, March 15: Luke 20.1-8
• Mon, March 16: Mark 12.1-44
• Tues, March 17: John 12.2-11
• Wed, March 18: Matthew 26.14-16
• Thurs, March 19: Mark 14.10-11
• Fri, March 20: Luke 22.3-6
• Sat, March 21: Matthew 26.17-29
• Sun, March 22: Mark 14.12-25
• Mon, March 23: Luke 22.7-20
• Tues, March 24: John 13.1-38
• Wed, March 25: John 14.1-16.33
• Thurs, March 26: Matthew 26.36-46
• Fri, March 27: Mark 14.32-42
• Sat, March 28: Luke 22.40-46
• Sun, March 29: Matthew 26.47-27.26
• Mon, March 30: Mark 14.43-15.15
• Tues, March 31: Luke 22.47-23.25
• Wed, April 1: John 18.2-19.16
• Thurs, April 2: Matthew 27.27-56
• Fri, April 3: Mark 15.16-41
• Sat, April 4: Luke 23.26-49
• Sun, April 5: John 19.17-30
• Mon, April 6: Matthew 27.57-66
• Tues, April 7: Mark 15.42-47
• Wed, April 8: Luke 23.50-56
• Thurs, April 9: John 19.31-42
• Fri, April 10: Isaiah 53

30 Days: A Journey To Intimacy | Make Her Shine

This past Sunday I was standing at the back of the auditorium in our weekend service when my friend, Thane walked over to me. Thane's wife, Sarah, wrote, appears, and did her own voice-over for "My Story" (below). As Thane stood beside me, I listened, got choked up, then smiled, then choked up again. Thane's eyes never drifted from the screen. He knew, as I did, that Sarah wasn't merely writing poetic prose. She wasn't portraying someone else in a dramatic presentation. This was her story. Thane was moved all over again.

When we stepped out of the service, I looked Thane in the eyes and said, Thane, I know that God is at work in Sarah, but don't miss this. You are loving her well. You are helping her experience her worth and value. Keep loving her.

To every married man - get this:

• Your wife's identity is ultimately to be understood, realized, and lived out in Jesus. She's created by God and being redeemed by the work of Jesus' Spirit within her.
• But, people are still his number one plan for developing people.
• Your wife will blossom, grow, develop, and shine because you value her.
  • Call out the best in her.
  • Treat her like the treasure God made her to be.
  • Remember what attracted you to her and refresh her memory.
  • Ask God to help you see her as He sees her.
  • Love her.

She'll shine.

Enjoy this video of Sarah's story and Angie Henry's performance of the moving song, Breath Me that follows.

My Story from Granger Community on Vimeo.

30 Days of Sex | Announcement or Next Step?

I'm posting this video clip from this past weekend for two audiences, two purposes.

First, Granger Community Church attendees and members:

• If you missed the weekend, you missed this unapologetic recommendation from our senior pastor, Mark Beeson. Interested in an approach to your sexuality and relationships that honors God and the people closest to you? Then, get these resources. Today. There's a limited amount of each title. The bookstore will be open prior to and following Journey Bible Classes this Wednesday - beat the weekend rush, get the book(s) while you can!
• If you're married and you've picked up the book, 30 Days, A Journey To Intimacy, then, just remember: "the Beesons are with you!"

Second, friends of Granger Community - church leaders and pastors:

• Mark Beeson's recommendation of these resources is a great example of what an intentional promotion looks like. This is no mere announcement.
• Church services are cluttered every weekend across the country (the globe) with announcements that few people pay attention to because it's just more noise, another menu item among dozens.
• Stop making announcements. Offer "next steps." Next steps are practical, doable steps that many if not all in your weekend service can take on their journey toward and with God. More than just one more thing to do, next steps help people actually apply the teaching that was so helpful to them when they heard it.
• Next steps help people take the message of the weekend into their world of relationships and activities. Next steps help people engage the process of discipleship in every area of life, integrating Jesus' way as the norm for living.

Pay attention: this is good stuff - 

Beeson's Recommended Reading from Granger Community on Vimeo.

30-Day Sex Challenge | Week One

If you're married and you attended the first week of our new series at Granger Community Church this weekend, you know about the 30-Day Sex Challenge. If you picked up the book (over 500 copies were sold), you know a little more about the challenge.

Personal conversations, Facebook, and Twitter-world were marked with a variety of thoughts about the challenge. Mark Beeson announced during weekend services that he and Sheila were taking the challenge, doing the 30-days, something like that. Others commented that they were "working on the challenge - the reading part, that is." I overheard one man say that his wife asked him to do the reading and give her the summary. I don't know if she'll make a similar request of the sex part or not: "just give me the summary."

I've heard a female or two suggest that the whole challenge must be a "man's idea." I silently agreed, but defended the challenge as "mutual."

The temptation for every married man will be to declare "day one" of every-day sex as soon as possible. The likely temptation for many women will be to read the book first, looking for any loopholes to the challenge that's become very personal.

Here are some considerations as you embark on week one of the challenge:

• Read the Wirth's (they authored the book) story in part one (pages 1-36), including a sneak peek at the book's 4-part challenge (spiritual, emotional, sexual, and physical). This will give you context for this intimate journey of rekindling and enhancing your marriage relationship, not merely a 30-day check-off of sexual obligation.
• Review the Granger Notes from the weekend message. Specifically, use the "Questions to Ponder this Week" on the back page of the notes. Identify at least two to three questions to discuss with each other. They're all great questions, but I personally recommend question #3, #4, #6 and #10.
• Spend a little time this week remembering what drew you to each other in the dating season of your relationship. Remember the butterflies in your stomach, the all-day consuming thoughts of seeing each other again, the little, special things you did for each other to say "I'm thinking of you" and "I think you're special." Practice a couple of those things this week. Open the car door for her again. Cook his favorite meal - with candlelight. Send a card - in the mail. Call on the phone and ask her out - for a real date that you actually plan.

It's week one. Seven days. Don't put it off. The reading, I mean. And make time to talk about it. What you read, of course. And, really, it is a 30-day sex challenge. Don't put if off. Yeah, I mean the sex. Just do it.

It Starts This Weekend

The series starts this weekend. The naysayers (usually churched people) have started already.

I'm talking about our new weekend series at Granger Community Church: Sex for Sale. It starts this weekend. Our intent? To enter conversation about real life stuff, real stuff the scriptures speak to, real stuff God created, real stuff we need to talk about. And in doing so, we'll talk about the real Jesus who lived a real human life, who invites us to discover our worth and wonder by his creation. Jesus is about redeeming all of creation. We want to be part of his work.

Here are the radio spots that are running currently on a couple different radio stations in the area: 

The truth is that churched people need this series as much as those in our community. Relationships are hard. Hurt cuts deeply. Temptation is strong.

Often I think it's harder for churched people to face the truth. About God. About themselves. There's some value-seeking drive in us that longs to be okay and a distortion in westernized Christianity that if we're following Jesus we just don't face the crap that "others" do. Being "okay" is about being "right", so we tend to cover, hide, avoid, and flat-out run from the pain of the truth.

I don't know of another topic that provides such a vivid and personal experience of God's grace. We all need to know we matter. We all long to know our worth is deeper than our skin. We all want to experience relationships where grace and truth coexist, bringing fulfillment and purpose in our lives.

It starts this weekend.

I've got to talk to my neighbor. Who are you inviting?

Attractional & Missional?

I'm spending a couple days with church leaders from across the country and Canada. Not a large group, but a committed group. The folks I'm hanging with are exploring two areas that many churched folks tend to find counter-intuitive. Yesterday we spent the day talking about First Impressions and the critical need to meet people where they are. The need to enter a conversation people are already having. The need to enter the brokenness, hopelessness, and longing within our friends in the community.

Today we're diving into Lasting Impressions, which is really all about the responsibility the church has to people (rather than for them). To help them take next steps toward Christ. To challenge them to join the work of the kingdom in the present culture where sex sells, the economy is broken, and families are hurting.

Yes, we're talking about being an attractional church that intentionally pays the price to reach people where they are... to draw them to check out the claims of the winsome Christ. AND, we're talking about being a missional church where people are invited to pick up their cross and follow Jesus in community, reaching those who don't know they matter to God.

I'm keeping the attractional / missional conversation simple here. But it's a challenging conversation. It's challenging work.

And I'm privileged to join with the people who call themselves Granger Community Church and other churches around the globe who still believe Jesus came for the sick, not those who are already well.

I'm really looking forward to the day with some new friends.