Recently Group Publishing hosted and published a survey about the friendliness of local churches compared to other local places like home, hair salons, coffee shops and bars. They commissioned an independent third-party market researcher, so Group was not named in the survey itself.
Here are a couple key findings:
- Home is the friendliest place in town by a wide margin.
Although
ranked second behind home, Church only came out 8% points stronger than
a Restaurant/Pub/Sports Bar in the overall ranking among Americans, and
only slightly better among Christians.
- Only 16% of Americans say Church is their favorite place to meet new friends, and that’s 2% points behind a Restaurant/Pub/Sports Bar at number one.
A few days ago Mark Galli wrote an article for Christianity Today debunking the survey's premise, basically suggesting that the survey asks the wrong question. While he doesn't deny that "churches should be friendly places where visitors especially are welcomed and treated with kindness," he argues that we've over-prioritized "friendliness" in our churches.
The survey found that people considered the top 5 factors in making a place friendly are:
- Making me feel like I belong
- Making me comfortable
- Making me feel at ease
- Conversation
- Smiles
Galli writes that "surveys like this inadvertently suggest something more. In our informal, egalitarian, and therapeutic culture, friendliness—warm, comforting, amiable interactions—has become the cardinal virtue." He asks, "But the larger question is, why are we so taken with the idea that the church should be seen as friendly? Why do we conduct surveys about it and chide ourselves if we are not as friendly as a bar?"
And why not be seen as "friendly" - even as friendly as a bar? After all at Cheers people "wanna go where everybody knows my name." But, is the goal to make church like a bar? Are we merely trying to create a place filled with empty smiles fueled by espresso drinks and social conversations?
I don't think so.
I agree with Galli. Following Jesus is anything but easy. When you belong to family, you accept challenges, you see the dirty underbelly and you have to make frequent decisions to forgive others. None of that is easy. It's real. The church is made up of humans, and I'm one of them.
But does that mean we aren't or shouldn't strive to be friendly?
Although Galli suggests that Jesus wasn't "friendly" (huh?), I see Jesus practicing new levels of "friendliness", accepting the unacceptable, including the outcast, inviting the lost. That strikes me as "friendly." Jesus prayed we would be one, that we'd love each other as his Father loves him. Paul's letters are filled with encouragement to forgive each other, to affirm the Spirit's unity, to celebrate our sense of belonging. People want to belong. They want to feel comfortable and at ease. They want conversation and smiles.
Why is it that the church shouldn't be the place where acceptance, belonging and friendliness reign? Why should someone be able to find these in a bar or coffee shop as easily as the church? Why is it that the church shouldn't deliver on this?
I want a church that is friendly, and intentionally so. I want a church where the pastor may not be my best friend, but is invitingly friendly. I want a church that demonstrates that Jesus is still the "friend of sinners."
Anyone else want that church?
Cheers.
